Integrate Your Shadow – The First Chapter FREE

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The Start

“I can’t believe it happened again,” I said to myself, my head in my hands hiding the tears welling up in my eyes.

I’d just had my third big business failure in under two years, I was over a million dollars in debt, and I had no idea how I was going to solve my problems.

There was a running tape in my head that sounded something like this:

• How could I be so stupid?
• How could I end up in this mess again?
• Three business failures in fifteen months. Maybe I’m not cut out for this?
• I should just head home and get a job.

Really, I didn’t feel like I had any options.

Later that week my wife Harriet and I packed our bags, loaded our dogs into the car, and drove away from our home in Austin, Texas. Our destination was Harriet’s family in England, and I got on that plane feeling like a total failure.

Just sixteen months earlier, I’d been on a roll. My business partner, Mark Deason, and I were flying high. “Deas” and I had grown our team to over forty staff and were making millions of dollars. I was a sought-after speaker and had been traveling the world teaching others how to set up their online businesses. I was engaged to the love of my life, and we’d moved to the United States to set up our new home.

How did I fall so far, so fast? In March of 2016, Deas was killed in a motorcycle accident, so on top of the personal devastation, my business fell apart, and I couldn’t deliver on the promises we’d made. Not only that, but we’d been spending lots of money while not making much of a profit. Without Deas, I couldn’t deliver, and I had no money to refund people. Not wanting his family to suffer or find myself in bankruptcy, I rang every creditor and client, clearly in a state of high emotion and emotionally broken. I put them on payment plans, figuring this was the right thing to do, postponed my marriage, and focused solely on ensuring the business didn’t fall over.

In desperation, I created a business relationship with someone who promised they could fill Deas’s role and went full force on ensuring I made at least $100,000 a month to pay all of my bills while starting the new business partnership. However, it turned out he couldn’t deliver, and the pressure of the huge payments meant after one year, that business wasn’t profitable. The partnership dissolved, and I was in an even worse position.

Somehow, I found another business partner who flew me to Texas, paid for six months on a rental property for us, and brought me on as a partner to do all of his marketing internally. Within two months, just as I was about to sign on, I realized his business was losing over $60,000 a month.

No thank you!

When I told him I couldn’t be a partner, he dramatically locked me out of the business and told me that if I wasn’t going to join him fully, he wouldn’t pay me any of the profits I’d generated, and I now owed him for the property rental expenses!

It was all too much.

The Understanding

On that plane trip back to the UK, I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I wrote out every failure and analyzed my journal to try and figure out what I was doing that had created this mess. My honest, unvarnished look at myself gave me enormous clarity, and I felt I was on the cusp of a big breakthrough.

In my bag stuffed under the seat in front of me, I had three books. One was on the unconscious identity structure, the second was about the Enneagram, and the last was about the spiritual practices of the ninja. What happened next can only be described as a miracle. I read each book cover to cover, the words nearly lifting off the page. Everything was so relevant.

Afterward, I began sketching out a framework, an understanding of the unconscious identity that relates to our personality, and I realized something as I connected this back to my situation: every failure I’d created reminded me of my childhood, and each was quite predictable.

As I reflected on every failed business scenario, I realized my partner was always a man in his forties, with similar personalities. They all doubted themselves, and instead of achieving their own vision, they used me to live their dreams. On the other hand, I was doing the opposite. Instead of going for my own vision, I gave my power to these people as a coach or mentor and was living their dream. This dysfunctional pattern of cocreation was exactly the same way I’d always related to my father.

The Epiphany

A light bulb went off in my head. It was quite remarkable to see the truth written out on the page, staring at me. I’d been recreating the same pattern over and over again. My next rational thought was, Maybe if I can figure out that pattern, I can stop repeating it.

As I wrote out my failures in detail, the relationship became even clearer. It actually wasn’t about my father at all. It had to do with how my consciousness was oriented. This knowledge brought relief that maybe the previous year of ups and downs hadn’t been in vain. Maybe all of my actions were due to my unconscious wound causing me to repeat actions that had recreated all of this chaos in my life. It was like there were invisible structures forcing me into failure over and over again.

I sat back in my seat and let it all sink in. And as I did, I brought to mind the superconscious training I’d been going through over the last six months. So I closed my eyes and went through a process I will share with you in the following chapters that allowed me to under- stand what my unconscious was doing that was causing my repeating pattern of self-sabotage.

I realized what I’d been doing all my life was implementing a compensating strategy to avoid a wound or pain being true. This wound felt deep and ancient like it had been there my whole life. I felt ripped open and raw. It was obvious that who I believed myself to be was only a fraction of my truth, and I’d been denying a huge part of myself. As I started to realize this, a surge of energy swirled through me, and I asked myself some tough questions.

• Have I been living a fake life?
• Am I deceiving myself?
• Is it possible that even with all of the personal development and self-help I’ve done, I’m still denying who I really am?
  

The obvious answer was yes!

All the self-sabotage I was creating was because of one thing— my unconscious identity. It had been so focused on not allowing a wound to be accessed, it had sidetracked me into thinking that the whole point of life was to avoid this pain.

The Origin of the Pain

What was the pain? Where did it come from?

I had no idea. All I knew was that this was the root of all of the dysfunction in my life, and in that moment, I chose to stop resisting the pain and just feel it. Tears streamed down my face. It hurt…and then it was over. Once I allowed myself to accept who I was and “died to the wound,” everything changed. I was different in every way.

The man who got on that plane was not the same as the one who got off it! In just a few short hours, I’d decided to stop living from my childish worldview and accepted all that I was. During that transformation, I activated my full superconscious genius, and from that moment on, I stopped trying to fix myself, heal myself, or place any importance on being unique.

The Success

Over the next three years, I built an eight-figure company, got married, and moved to paradise. I purchased homes and invested wisely, so I never have to work again. I wrote two books, one of them a New York Times bestseller, and transitioned into teaching others how to access their superconscious, recode their identity, and create a life they love.

The results have been phenomenal.

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